Funny Love Quotes

A wife asks her husband, "How would you describe me?"
He replies, "ABCDEFGHIJK."

The confused wife asks, "What does that mean?"

Her husband replies, "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."

The wife says, "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"

"I'm just kidding!"
I told my girlfriend she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
Never laugh at your girlfriends choices.
You're one of them.
I was on a flight the other day and I found I'd been seated next to a beautiful young woman.
As I sat down next to her I said, "Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?"

She said, "Yes, but I wasn't prepared to pay."
I like to show my girlfriend who's the boss in our house.
I do this by holding a mirror up to her face.
Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely.
Relationships are a lot like algebra.
Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
Love is like a fart.
If you force it, you're going to make a mess.
What's the difference between love and marriage?
Love is one long, sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.
I invited this girl I liked over to my house for a seven-course meal.
She said, "Ooh, that sound's lovely. What are we having?"

I said, "A pizza and a six-pack of beer."


My mew girlfriend works at the zoo.
I think she's a keeper.
My love is like communism.
Everyone gets a share, and it's only good in theory.
A woman goes to the doctor and tells him her husband is losing interest in sex.
So the doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental.

He says she should slip it into his food at dinner, so that night, she does just that.

About a week later, she goes back to the doctor for her follow-up appointment.

She says, "Doc, that pill you gave me worked great! I hid it in his food just like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, pushed all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!"

The doctor, a little taken aback, says, "I'm sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages."

The woman says, "Nah, that's okay. We're never going back to that restaurant anyway."
I said, "I love you so much. I could never live without you."
My girlfriend giggled and asked, "Is that you talking or the beer?"

I said, "It's me talking to the beer..."
He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly.
Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.

He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs.

His gentle stroking then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to do the same to her right thigh.


By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.

The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.

"Why are you stopping?" she whispered.

He whispered back, "I found the remote."
Why is it everything I love is either unhealthy, addicting or has multiple restraining orders against me?
I was in the shop looking for a jacket to buy my girlfriend as a present.
I couldn't decide which one to get, so I asked the salesman, "If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend, which one would you get?

He said, "A bulletproof one. I'm married."
What's the difference between love and marriage?
Love is blind. Marriage is an eye-opener.
Why should you not marry a tennis player?
Because love means nothing to them.
What did one boat say to the other?
Are you up for a little row-mance?
Making love is like math. Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray you don't multiply.
What's the definition of love?
The delusion that one woman is different from another.
My son asked me today, "Dad, when was the first time you fell in love?"
I said, "I was 18. I walked into a bar and spotted the most beautiful blonde I'd ever seen. Cupid fired his arrow the second I saw her."

He asked, "So what happened?"

I said, "Nothing. Unfortunately the arrow missed and hit your Mother."
If I ever need a heart transplant, I'd want my ex's. It's never been used.
What do you say to your single friends on Valentine's Day?
Happy Independence Day!
What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
Sex.
I've just signed up for an online dating site.
Do you think it's rude to ask people to send a picture holding today's newspaper?
I texted my wife today saying "I love u".
She replied, "Oh, really? :)"

I said, "Yes, it's my favourite vowel."
What happened when the two vampires went on a blind date?
It was love at first bite.
If love hurts...
You're probably not using enough lube.
Did you hear about the near-sighted porcupine?
He fell in love with a pincushion.